Our Happy Little World: The zip line, a metaphor for life.

Today we went to a place called Bob's. It's a water park off the Suwannee river. It has 2 huge slides, a zip line, rope swings, jump towers, floating docks, a log roll, karaoke... it is a really fun place. But apparently the zip line is where we learn about life. Trey did the zip line all by himself. Not such a big deal eh? Well it was 40 feet in the air. Trey told me he wanted to do it. I thought, "Yea he will change his mind." So I thought I would play along and be the good guy as long as he wanted so I didn't seem like the meanie and let not doing it be his idea. Yea, fail. I figured he will stop me at any second. I climbed the ladder with him. Still going. He walked to the head of the line. still going. He tells me it's going to be fun going with me, uh wait what? Nope. I am scared of heights and was getting light headed climbing the stairs. I informed him that was a no go. I was not going. I didn't tell him I was scared but I told him I didn't want to go and I was not going. Then I asked him if he still wanted to go without me and he said, "well no have it your way." Then turned to look down the line and turned back to me and said "I wanna go bad" jumping up and down. Still believing he would back out at the last minute I said "ok". I Made him stand there with me (light headed and all) and watch a few people closely while I told him things to do and reminded him of things that would happen. I didn't want him to get scared mid flight and let go because he was startled. We watched an adult and a kid, not as young as him but a kid. I showed him how they linked their ankles and showed him how some people scrape a few leaves on a branch and some get sprayed with water. I pointed out how it hits pretty solidly at the end and makes a loud noise and swings you out then back a ways so he would get startled or think the "ride" was over and let go still quite a few feet above the ground. The whole time I am showing him things I am thinking, "is he really going to do this and am I really going to let him?" If he lets go at the top he could very easily die, if he lets go toward the bottom we will be on the way to the hospital. JD would not let him do this if he were here and might divorce me when he finds out. Yet louder than all those thoughts was the idea screaming in my head that he really wanted to do this and was very confident of his ability. He was so excited. He had previously tried things much safer and backed out at the last minute, like the water slide. This was screaming in my head. I couldn't teach him he couldn't do this. I couldn't teach him to let his fear win. I couldn't teach him to be afraid to do something that someone else hadn't done or couldn't do. I had to let him do this. I was terrified. The lady behind me could sense this and helped me put him on the little foam wrapped piece of PVC pipe as i told him to link his ankles and hold his hands tight around the rope. Once more I asked him, "Are you sure you want to do this? Are you ready?" Still I expected him to back out. He looked up at me with the hugest smile on his face on screamed, "I'm ready!!" I told him, "Dont you let go until I tell you to do you understand me?" He shook his head furiously because with his excitement that is all he could do. So I Let go. Imediatly my hands flew to my mouth and I thought, "what have I done?" I watched him slide easily down the line. No screaming (except maybe mine lol) tears sprang to my eyes with a rush of fear and pride and I watched him hit the end. At this point he did get a little startled and he released his anaconda-like grip a little. I could see the release all the way from where I was and I screamed, literally out loud. The stranger next to me grabbed my arm. Then we saw him regain his composure and saw his muscles tighten and his hands grip the line again. He began to swing. I laughed knowing if he let go here he would have the breath knocked out of him but would probably be ok. I finally took a deep breath and the lady still holding my arm said, "remember you told him not to let go until you tell him to so you better go tell him to let go." The life finally jolted back in me and I ran down the ladder (ok I didnt run I cautiously went down rung by rung but I was trying to go fast) I ran to him and I think by now someone had helped him off because it was still too far to jump really. He ran to me pulling the pull rope with all his might with a smile so proud it was like a movie. People on the top landing were clapping and whooping. I started to grab him up and swing around telling him how proud I was and how much I loved him just like in the movies but he let go of the rope when I got to him and started running for the ladder to go again leaving me to pull the swing back to the next person. No time to wait, the line was getting long now with all of the attention on the zip line. I went up with him again and was almost as terrified this time because I didnt want him to be too comfortable and play around or think he was Captain America and try to fly off. I was thrilled he was ready to move on to something else because not only was my heart not able to take much more but my legs were really getting tired of following him up the ladder then slowly slugging back down. I may have been out of my mind to let him but I couldn't tell him to fail and crush him. I know Trey is extraordinary and I had faith in his abilities and his maturity. I am happy for the lesson we both got today. My whole life has been to hold him and keep him safe and this time I let him go. I taught him as well as I could standing on that landing 35 feet above the ground but I let him go and he was on his own. Yes people I actually cried when I pushed him. I thought, "what have I done?" I was scared for him, proud of him, scared for me proud of me and in disbelief that I had let him do it. I let him go and he did great.